Day four and so much has happened already. We are in our check in stage where we get run through the sifter weeding out those deemed not fit by medical or for some other reason. My first day started with a 4:00am wake up call and after only a couple hours of sleep it was game on. We collected into the theater for our very first full day of in processing and death by power point presentations ranging from medical briefs to family services. The fight to stay awake was a battle lost by many but fought strong and hard. If I had toothpicks to prop my eyelids open I would have done it.

Day two was spent waiting to get fitted for gas masks. The process alone was terrifying if you are claustrophobic but again fighting tired eyes was still a battle. At least we got to cut out a lot earlier this day then the first.

Day three was my turn for medical processing. Oh what joy I find in being poked and used as a human pin cushion. I don’t normally mind getting shots but the anthrax shot was the most painful shot I have ever had. I am still finding it difficult to lift my right arm to any degree. Needless to say that it was a long day!

Today was more of the waiting around to wait even longer until they figured out what to do with us. I also became a squad leader meaning that I am responsible for an entire squad consisting of about ten troops. My chief put me in that position because he says I am very capable and that makes me feel great because there are five others higher in rank then I am who should be in that position over me but some how I stepped up to the plate enough to earn that role. So for me not having much experience in a leader ship role it will be trial by fire. Wish me luck!!

Tomorrow we finally get our gear issue and report to our battalion after a week of in processing. Now the real work can begin. There is so much ahead and I am anxious to find out how it will run. I suppose I will find out soon enough. Now it is time to relax and take my mind to the places and people that keep me grounded every day, to those most dear to my heart. I love you all!!

I am there yet

Today was the day I had been anticipating for a few months now. I have not quite let it sink in that I am gone but maybe it is because I have not been able to let my self relax and soak it all in.

My day started off with an early wake up call of 330am followed by a cup of coffee and a shove out the door to the air port. My first flight was long but otherwise uneventful despite the screaming infant a few rows back and the foul odor reeking out of my seat mate. It was my luck to get stuck sitting in the center between two complete strangers. Thankfully they kept to themselves and did not interrupt my free TV marathon. At least I got one thing for free as any food item was of charge. WHAT?!!

I got to Gulfport Mississippi around 3:15pm and greeted the stagnant air with a grin. From the looks of the place the only reason people still live here is because they were born and raised or they are in the military. I do not recommend Gulfport as a vacation destination. That is only my initial impression so maybe my thoughts will change after a while…NOT!!!

After being corralled like cattle at the baggage claim by the battalion representatives I was finally on a bus in route to the Seabee base to check in at my hotel and finally relax!! After a while I unpacked, ironed my uniform, showered and took off for a walk before hitting the sack. I don’t feel like I am in another state right now but I can sense the increased humidity and it is not doing my hair a world of good. Oh I can not wait for summer time!! By then I will be welcoming the dry heat of Afghanistan.

I have heard a great deal of noises that I have not heard or do not hear on a regular basis. The crickets and frogs are making themselves known and the sounds of the birds singing are unfamiliar. I have yet to spot one but soon I am sure I will get to know them all.

I am still awaiting the arrival of my room mate but it is now after 9:00pm and my eyes are growing even heavier then five minutes ago. It would not be in her favor if she showed up past 10:00pm as we have a 5:00am start time. I am anticipating a run through the gauntlet of vaccinations and pee tests making sure I did not smoke a bowl before I jumped on the plane. No need to worry about that as I am unskilled in that department.

Well the time is a ticking and my sleep minutes are dwindling with every second. I am curious to see what tomorrow brings but anxious to get the job done and go home where I belong. With the sounds of the crickets and katydids softly whispering a night toon I will close my eyes and dream of home!!! Good night.

I am sitting here trying to get the motivation to finish packing all of my things but I am finding it very difficult because now it is all seeming so real. Before I just pushed it to the back of my mind but the procrastination is not doing me any good as I am running out of time. Maybe I am just grasping at what time I do have left. So far I was able to collect some pretty fond recent as well as past memories to take with me and fall back on when times get tough or I start to feel sad and lonely. I will just close my eyes tight, turn my brain on and remember those who are so dear to me and smile with joy and have love in my heart knowing that I will see them again soon and being so thankful for having them in my life. I will have photographs, phone calls and emails to keep me company but of course non of that will be the same as being there; watching my little brother play baseball, celebrating the holidays, wishing those a very happy birthday, saying I love you face to face. All I know is that when I do finally come home I will not let go for one moment. I guess you really never know how good you have it until you don’t. When I come home my heart will be mended.

I just want to say I love you all!!

My next post will be coming at you from beautiful (sense the sarcasm) Gulfport Mississippi!!

A Brave New World

Not too long ago someone asked me “what does brave mean?” I guess I never really thought of it before. I told him that brave means being scared without crapping your pants.

Most people think that those who are going off to war are brave, those who stand up to a bully are brave, telling someone I love you with out knowing how they feel about you is brave. All of that is a form of bravery. The word “Brave” means something different to everyone. Some tell me that I am brave for volunteering to go to work in a war zone. Is that bravery? I don’t know. But here is what bravery means to me:

A mother seems angry at her child for going off to war but in reality is scared and does not know how to express her feelings and they come across as anger but finally she comes to terms with her child’s decision and tells her that she is proud of her. That is brave.

A sister and friend takes on the responsibility of taking a service members most precious dog into her family and taking care of him like he was one of her own, caring for him knowing that he means the world to this service member. That is brave.

A man falls in love with a woman who is being deployed and will be away for a year but is not afraid to tell her that he loves her and opens his heart and life to her being afraid of losing her. That is brave.

A service member allowing all of these things to happen despite her fears and anxieties and guilt for all of the above is brave. Not knowing the true effect and impact on those left behind to worry and be afraid for her is brave. Allowing herself to love and be loved despite the immense pain and sorrow it brings to say good-bye is brave.
To me the brave ones are the those who are fighting on the homefront for their loved ones making sure that when their loved ones come home they come home to peace, comfort, love, and happiness. I thank those brave heroes every day!

Judge Slowly

The other day my neighbor asked me if I was one of those fascist military a-holes. I bit my tongue because everyone has the right to his or her own opinion. In a way it made me feel sad that he does not know the true aspect of what I do and why I do it. I could have sat and explained it to him but would that have changed his ideas? No but it would have made me feel a little better. The fact of the matter is that most of the great people I know who are in the military don’t want to rush off to war and blast away at everything they see or mark kill notches on their belts. Most are young men and women who have no direction, no means of providing themselves with education beyond high school or are having a rough time in this economy finding or keeping a steady job. Where do they turn? To the military that provides them with a roof over their heads, three hot meals a day and a pay check and educational benefits beyond what they could provide for them selves.

Don’t get me wrong, there are still those out there who have gone over to the middle east wanting to help the countries over run by terrorist and have come home with hatred and disgust in their hearts due to spending countless hours and days and in some cases years being spat on, called baby killers, and fanciest military a-holes, abandoned by their own country’s government who had vowed to provide for them both physically and mentally when they returned home yet find themselves broke and sick and in dire need of help. Why would they not be angry at the world?

Anyway I kind of went off subject from what I was originally going to write about. All I know is that my sense of pride and commitment to my nation called me to do what I felt was right in my heart and if going over to do what my country asks of me makes me a fascist a-hole then so be it but rest assured I along with thousands of others will be working our asses off seven days a week doing our part so those who hate their country and its military but love the fact that they have the freedom to do so can sleep sound at night….